Born in Uruguay, of Welsh parents (this could explain his occasional schizophrenic behaviour). His rendition of Cwm Rhondda whilst dressed in full Gaucho attire brings tears to the eyes. Trust us.
Deported at an early age to the UK by the Uruguayan government on a trumped-up charge of "wrecking the national economy", Eric maintains that he only damaged it a bit.
Eric's well-known patience, tolerance and humour ensure that the working environment in the company is both happy and relaxed, he says. (Yeah. And Hannibal Lecter was a vegetarian…)
Mother believed to be in exile in Ulan Bator, Mongolia. Some here wish he would join her. Permanently.
Hmmm. OK, so the guy likes dressing up. It’s a free society.
We know it can be a bit off-putting for some narrow-minded visitors to our company, but you’ve got to admire those tights. And you should see his pink number…but that’s for another day.
Andy’s career has crossed many a path. Seen here playing the lead role in “Andy Clark – Local Man of Mystery” (an autobiographical production), Andy was nominated for no fewer than 4 CRAP (Committee for Rejected Actors in Pantomime) awards.
It was a great loss to us when he gave up acting and joined the company.
Other Logistics Team members: Gail, Rick, Allan, Mitch, Jim, Neil.
Craig wears a skirt because he is Scottish – for no other reason, honest.
Craig joined the company in March 2005 as head of our Sales Division. We have yet to ascertain who offered him this job, but enquiries are on-going (“And heads will roll” - CEO).
His first Sales Meeting Motivational Talk (see picture) was not the most successful in the history of Peli UK, but we have to concede that the enthusiasm was there. Craig's days as choreographer for the Andy Stewart Hogmanay Show are thankfully over.
Other Sales Team members: Matt, Paul K, Indy, Mark, Max, David, Andy H
Sandra joined us in 2001. We didn't really need her, but we had to employ someone from an ethnic minority. She is Scottish.
Sandra's duties include the running of our customer services department. And Boy do our customers run!
Sandra's CV is as impressive as it is varied: A number of years as a hippy in France followed by a long period in the Middle East in charge of personnel logistics for a major bank. We think that means that she was the housekeeper, but since nobody here can understand her accent, we’ll never know.
Sandra is a McDonald and old enough to remember Glencoe - so if you want to contact her and you're a Campbell, invent another surname or else.
Other Customer Services Team members: Gail, Joanne, Kelly.
Gill, the one on the right of the picture, is responsible for all marketing activities of Peli UK. Initially, Gill took this to be taking our products down to the local market, but then she bought a book on marketing. And the rest is history, as they say.
Apart from the CEO, Gill is the longest serving officer of the Peli: Gill joined the in 1994 and, despite her efforts, sales have increased every year - a testament to the quality of our products and services if ever one was needed. It is also a testament of Gill's staying power that she has worked for such a long time with the CEO and not killed him… Yet.
Other Marketing Team members: Anne, Paul C, Gareth.
Phil joined the company in May 2007. He’s a keen gardener, and enthrals us all on a regular basis with offerings of home-grown vegetables from his own plot. Boy, do the girls in the office get excited when Phil struts in offering them his fresh cucumber, spuds and tomatoes.
When Phil wants to get an even greater adrenalin rush than that produced by his gardening exploits, and we don’t know how he can take all the excitement…, he goes fishing. This man lives life on the wild side.
As can be seen from the picture, Phil developed a liking for p***ing about at a very early age, a characteristic that has remained with him to this day.
Other Directors: Eric, Andy C, Craig, Sandra, Gill, Neil.
Neil came to us with his begging bowl in 2009 and we took pity on him. We won’t make that mistake again.
As a keen walker, he enjoys nothing more than to tow his trusty caravan and wife (not necessarily in that order) behind his car and drive off into the country for a week-end of exhilarating caravanning and walking (he also enjoys walking the streets of certain areas of Brighton at night, but we digress). This adventurous craving to experience the wonders of Mother Nature has seen him travel as far as Bognor Regis - in winter.
Neil’s other major interest in life is writing fiction. Having read most of his expense claims, our Finance department can confirm that Neil is extremely creative, completing the most fascinating and exciting works of fiction ever produced in the 21st century. In recognition of these talents, we have awarded Neil our prestigious BS award every single year since he joined us.
When we acquired MSA Foams in 2011, we identified this as a golden opportunity for damage limitation, and kicked Neil upstairs to become MD of that company, to the huge relief of the Peli customers with whom Neil had been interfacing.
Other Directors: Eric, Andy C, Craig, Sandra, Gill, Phil.
Paul joined the Company in 2003, and is responsible for Governmental business. Paul was awarded the “Sales Personality of the Year” title for 2006. He has also retained the title of "Resident Nerd" for three consecutive years, thereby gaining outright ownership of the coveted Golden Paperclip.
Paul is a camping enthusiast and spares no effort in ensuring he is properly attired for our lovely climate. He is also an avid listener of ‘The Archers’. Paul plans to acquire a life in the near future.
Paul's favourite holiday destination is Wales. His photographic collection of sheep is as copious as it is varied.
Other Sales Team members: Craig, Matt, Indy, Mark, Max, David, Andy H
Matt was dumped on us in January 2007 and brought to the company a vast and unparalleled experience and knowledge of foam packaging solutions. It is unfortunate that the same experience and knowledge cannot be applied to his sartorial taste: Life is a compromise.
Matt's duties are to develop the sales of specialist packaging solutions including customised foam applications. His claim to fame was to develop a customised foam interior for a range of Ann Summer products. Matt spent two years on this project, which involved extensive research and development, he told us. Sales however were disappointing: one case (customer unknown). But it certainly proved Matt’s willingness to get the bit between his teeth.
Matt is available on a free transfer, anytime… Honest.
Other Sales Team members: Craig, Paul, Indy, Mark, Max, David, Andy H
Andy, pictured sitting down in front of our CEO, joined us in November 2008, assuming responsibility for business development in the north of England. It took us a mere six months to get Andy to understand that the North of England is not limited to the shores of Lake Windermere (and judging from his mileage claims covering that period, we estimate that Andy drove round the whole lake 13 times per day…).
Andy’s hobbies include skiing, and he gets to go out on the Piste as often as his expense claims allow. In fact, he has been on a slippery slope for years.
Other Sales Team members: Craig, Paul, Indy, Mark, Max, David, Matt
David joined us upon his return from New Zealand in 2009, where he had spent some years in specialist lighting sales. As can been seen from the caption, New Zealand can have an effect on some people… On David it was particularly harsh.
David is our specialist for Advanced Area Lighting products, and also looks after customers in Eastern England. Some have unkindly said that his recruitment was akin to scraping the barrel. We would like to refute that slur in the strongest possible terms: It was more like collecting the remnants left after the barrel had already been scraped, three times.
Other Sales Team members: Craig, Paul, Indy, Mark, Max, Andy H, Matt
Max joined us in 2010 to promote sales in the southern areas of Scotland. At least that’s what we think – nobody here can understand him and the company was not prepared to pay for an interpreter. We offered him a job based on his name alone: “Max Spanner – Super Agent” Our very own Austin Powers.
Max has previously worked in water and effluent management negotiating contracts at the highest levels with governmental authorities both in Scotland and England. Max also has a degree in Chemistry. So his work experience and qualification are particularly useful when dealing with that complex and unstable chemical in which some of our staff appear to produce, particularly when submitting expense claims.
Other Sales Team members: Craig, Paul, Indy, Mark, David, Andy H, Matt
Indy joined us from one of our Distributors, who has subsequently gone into Administration. Indy maintains it was nothing to do with her and since there is now nothing left of the company, we cannot disprove it.
It is fair to say that Indy’s strengths do not lie in the IT fields. She alone accounts for 53% of our IT department’s trouble-shooting budget. Mobile phones dropped in water whilst trying to cook and use the phone at the same time; laptop computer crashing 12 times in one week; white Typpex applied to the screen where Indy had made a spelling mistake; handing the computer back to IT saying it did not work, because she kept getting a pop-up message saying “you have mail” and when she went out to her post-box there was no mail in it…
Indy’s driving escapades have also become legendary within Peli UK: she holds the record for going round one particular roundabout in Coventry continuously 9 times and then stalling the car on her tenth lap. But Indy is a very nice person. She has to be – she’s got nothing else going for her.
Other Sales Team members: Craig, Paul, Max, Mark, David, Andy H, Matt
Mark was already employed by MSA Foams when we acquired the company – so don’t blame us. Under the terms of the Purchase Agreement we were obliged to take on all assets and, more pertinently, all liabilities.
Seen here, pictured dressed as the Grim Reaper, it is particular poignant given what he has done to our sales figures for the South of England.
Mark comes from a background of Materials Handling. What he did with the materials he handled, nobody here is quite sure and Mark is quick to point out that under the terms of the Rehabilitation of Offenders Act 1974 he is not obliged to disclose any details in connection with what (or who) he handled, or how.
Other Sales Team members: Craig, Paul, Max, Indy, David, Andy H, Matt
Living proof of our Company's commitment to the Care in the Community programme for challenged people: Debbie supports Manchester United.
Debbie joined the company in 1997, at the age of 22, she says. Her duties include the co-ordination of the activities of the Sales Office. Having completed these duties by 9:05 am, Debbie embarks on co-ordinating her social life with commendable enthusiasm. Finally, with the tireless energy for which she is admired by all of us, she returns to her duties at 4:55pm to plan yesterday’s sales activities. She then finishes for the day at 4:57pm.
Her parents made her wear the bag since childhood on the grounds that it was a vast improvement on her natural features, but we let her take it off for special occasions such as a lunar landing by the Ugandan Space Administration.
Other Sales Coordinators: Ian, Anne C, Sandi
Ian joined us in 2010, having worked for many years in Customer Services for a major telecommunications company.
In Ian we have our own “Grumpy Old Man”. In fact, it is rumoured that the character of Grumpy in “Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs” was modelled on Ian.
If he is in a good mood, that makes him grumpy. And herein lies Ian’s dilemma: being grumpy makes him happy, but doesn’t like being happy… A tortured soul indeed.
Other Sales Coordinators: Deb, Anne C, Sandi
Anne is one of our sales co-ordinators and delights her colleagues in that department with constant humming and singing – occasionally in tune. She has single-handedly improved punctuality here at Peli. Every member of staff has taken to arriving at work before 8:30am so that they can be entertained by Anne’s parking – a manoeuvre which normally takes 15 minutes on a good day, but can take as long as half an hour in adverse weather conditions (cloudy, or winds over 5mph, or rain, or mist, or simply too bright).
Anne’s exuberance for suggesting different ways in which we can improve as a company and as members of the team rapidly brought her to the attention of our CEO who has now taken to locking himself in his office any time Anne is in the building. Which is good news for all.
A final insight into Anne’s unique personality: she has a camper van called “Bongo”, and a mountain bike with a bell on it.
Other Sales Coordinators: Deb, Ian, Sandi
Sandi is affectionately known as Amphibat because of her need for reading glasses and occasional lapse of absent-mindedness (memory like a goldfish and vision of a bat). This nickname was given by her offspring who appear to have come through their upbringing unscathed despite being invisible at less than 5m and continually addressed by their wrong names.
She has an obsessive affection for Microsoft Excel, and can now offer anyone who’s interested stats on just about anything that can be converted to figures... she has yet to find anyone who is in fact interested, but that doesn’t stop her trying, bless her.
If you’d like to enrol on her 4 hour telephone seminar ‘Emeralds of Excel: The curious tale of the green magic number boxes’ you can contact Sandi Perrin click here
Other Sales Coordinators: Deb, Ian, Anne C
Rick joined the company when we were really desperate to find a warehouse manager. Boy, were we desperate…
Rick is a former professional footballer but still plies his trade in the semi-professional game. He applies this semi-professional attitude to his duties within our company, which is fun, we are told. His favourite party trick is to send you 1200 of our size 1500 case, when what was ordered was 1500 of our size 1200 case.
Unfortunately, as can be seen in this picture, his sense of humour is not appreciated by all customers. Subsequent images were not deemed appropriate for family viewing.
Other Logistics Team Members: Allan, Mitch, Jim, Neil.
Allan joined us in January 2005 after working with a major carrier in the UK for many years. The main reason we employed Allan is that the CEO was fed up with being the shortest person in the Company.
Allan has brought with him a wealth of experience in the Logistics industry, and we live in hope that one day he will apply it.
Allan is an avid supporter of Stockport County, which, looking back, should have given us an early warning as to his mental state.
Other Logistics Team Members: Rick, Mitch, Jim, Neil.
Neil joined us in November 2006, when we were feeling pretty low. Winter had set in, the days were getting shorter, and the CEO’s sales targets for the next financial year were about to be announced. The CEO was also adamant that we should have more young beavers (see picture) in the company (he is an ardent supporter of the Scout movement).
Neil is a naive soul. He once confided that, during a holiday, he ended up one night sleeping with - no, correction - next to a goat. He told us this in strictest confidence… Silly boy.
Neil has a keen interest in music, his favourite song being “Baa Baa Black Sheep”
Other Warehouse Team Members: Rick, Allan, Mitch, Jim.
We certainly know how to pick them, don’t we? Jim joined us in 2008, straight from school. We at Peli UK take our responsibilities to the local community very seriously, and in taking Jim on and keeping him in the warehouse every day, we have made the streets of Glossop a safer place to be during working hours. Unfortunately, our warehouse is now the dangerous place to be, particularly when James attempts to do wheelies in one of our fork lift trucks.
As can be seen in the photo, Jim likes to wear lipstick. We are happy to report that he has changed to a more subtle lipstick of late, a Strawberry Red which matches the colour of his eyes in the morning.
Other Warehouse Team Members: Rick, Allan, Mitch, Neil.
Mitch joined us in 2008 on a temporary basis whilst awaiting admission to the RAF, we were assured. That was a particularly cruel joke played on us by the RAF.
Mitch’s big interest in life is cricket, and he is a key player for Mottram-in-Longdendale Cricket club. We are told that his ambition in life is to bowl a maiden over, but to date has only been successful with a 58 year-old spinster... Once.
Mitch’s joie de vivre is something to behold. At the annual end-of-season party at the Cricket Club, Mitch’s party trick is to run around the cricket field, bereft of any clothing, then roll about in the mud before returning to the clubhouse and delivering a (still naked) rendition of Rod Stewart’s “Do you think I’m sexy?”
Who could resist him?
Other Warehouse Team Members: Rick, Allan, Jim, Neil.
Andy joined us to deal with the ever increasing demand for customised foam inserts for our cases, working closely with the design department at MSA. Based in Salisbury, Andy was, coincidentally, a next-door neighbour of Matt Andrews, which could help explain his neurotic behaviour.
When Andy discovered a WWII bunker in his back garden our CEO suggested he work from home. Closed and locked from the outside. He is occasionally allowed to visit MSA, and can sometimes be seen crawling around the place because of his bad back. Nothing to do with the wine, he says.
Andy is a little devil with all aspects of Excel (yawn).
Gail joined us in 2009 and her duties include dealing with warranties and customer services.
Gail doesn’t suffer fools gladly. In fact, she doesn’t suffer anyone gladly. To help customers understand Gail, we list here phrases she uses and what they actually mean.
"Under active consideration": I’m looking in the files for it.
"Under consideration": Never heard of it.
"I'm conducting enquiries": I need more time to think of an answer.
"I’ll look into it": By the time the wheel makes a full turn, I hope you will have forgotten about it.
"I’ll advise you in due course": When I figure it out, I’ll let you know.
"In due course": Never.
"It’s in progress": Can’t find the paperwork.
"Have a nice day": Go away.
"How may I help you?": Get on with it, and make it snappy.
"You’ve caught me at a bad time": I’m awake.
Customer Services Team members: Sandra, Joanne, Kelly
Joanne joined us in the summer of 2010 having just obtained an Honours degree in Painting by Numbers.
She quickly earned the respect and admiration of all of us here with her drive and determination. On second thoughts, the word ‘drive’ is perhaps not appropriate, given that Joanne failed her driving test 34 times.
Joanne can be a bit dizzy at times. One Christmas, she was given a scarf as a present, but took it back to the shop because it was too tight. On another occasion, she was spotted staring intensely at a carton of orange juice, because on the side of the carton it said ‘concentrate’. Never a dull moment with Joanne.
Customer Services Team members: Sandra, Gail, Kelly
Kelly joined us in February to work alongside Anita in Sales Order Processing. She was recommended to us by a previous employee who has, incidentally, now left the country and left no forwarding address. After working with Kelly for 10 months, Anita decided that she would prefer to retire. Photographed below on her first day at Peli; we think she has a different definition of "smart/casual" than we do.
Kelly has a strange fascination for Haribo and Fish & Chip flavoured biscuit snacks and lists her favourite Restaurant as the Cockadoodle-Moo meat shack; we do try to employ the more cultured of the locals. Glossop’s Culinary Society’s loss is our gain.
Customer Services Team members: Sandra, Gail, Joanne
Paul came to us in 2010 from a local agency, a sort of Battersea Dogs Home for marketing people. His soporific effect on the marketing department was as immediate as it was dramatic.
Paul is an avid aficionado of soap operas and never misses a single episode of Coronation Street, Eastenders, Emmerdale and the ultimate soap opera of all, Manchester City Football Club.
Spends every lunch hour – yes, EVERY lunch hour – Paul tours the local supermarkets, bargain hunting. Careful with his money, is Paul. We don’t think a more salient example of life in the fast lane could be found this side of the Orinoco.
Other Marketing Team members: Gill, Anne, Gareth
Gareth obtained a degree in Marketing from Manchester University in 2009. It is not clear how this degree was obtained, but what we can be sure of is that it cannot have been obtained through straight-forward academic achievement. No way. We strongly suspect bribery and/or corruption were involved.
Gareth joined the company to enhance our digital marketing ("Since when have we been selling digits?" – CEO) and improve our presence on the Web. This, Gareth informs us, entails hours and hours researching many websites, which he does with boundless enthusiasm and gusto.
We realised we had a special creative talent in Gareth when one of his first suggestions was to run an advertising campaign under the slogan 'Peli Cases – keeping your s**t safe since '92.'. Eye-catching, we thought, albeit a trite in-your-face.
Gareth’s artistic side is – how can we put this? – different. As part of his body-art, he had a small cheeseburger tattooed on his upper thigh. We kid you not.
Other Marketing Team members: Gill, Anne, Paul C
Anne joined the Company in 2004 and is responsible for managing our social media marketing from home. Given that Anne lives near Dunfermline, we thought this a good idea. Enlightened management, we like to think.
Anne is a former Civil Servant, but proved too independent-minded and truthful to be successful in that career, and so converted from Game Warden to Poacher. Some habits die hard, though: if you wish to contact Anne, you are required to complete, in triplicate, form CommReq12AR(Scotland)2004Rev2(d) available from this Company upon submission of a certified copy of your Passport, a current utility bill and your inside leg measurement, pursuant to the Anti-Laundering Regulations 2003 as amended if appropriate and notwithstanding… So there.
Other Marketing Team members: Gill, Paul C, Gareth
Maria joined the company in 2007 as a temp, and is still with us. It could be said that she has made her position permanent through hard work and diligence. But it would be untrue. We believe blackmail has been involved somewhere along the line.
Maria’s duties are Financial Control. She started off in Customer Services, but we quickly realised that her ferocious nature made her perfectly suited to Financial Control. In fact, 78% of our customers begged us to move her from Customer Services to Financial Control. We are, after all, a pro-active company, so we obliged. If you have any queries about your account, phone Maria before 2:00pm, because Maria does not like being woken up… Makes her moody.
As can be seen in the photo, Maria is a mountain biker. She states that nothing thrills her more than a good hard ride up in the hills.
Marie informed us in 2002 that she was joining the company and that she was now responsible for ensuring that the building would be fit for daily use.
She shrewdly achieves this objective by banning anyone from entering the building. We all have to work from home, but we are fortunate in that Marie kindly avails her company's services to clean our homes for an extra £50 per week, per home - provided that we have not used our homes for work. That is extra.
Marie can be contacted at Holloway Prison. We regret no e-mail address is available for her. Her contract is for life